Hey y’all, it’s been a long while since I published a blog for myself/y’all. Most of you know that blogging helps with my anxiety. So, that’s why I’m here now.
Anyways, I plan to try to publish my take on Influencer photography and Vaeh’s birth story some time this week.
First, there’s a lot that I need to just get off of my chest. Things I am ready to share, talk about, let go, etc.
I’m always working on me. Always. Some days come easy, others not so much. I’ve been sick off and on for the longest. It has been so difficult to keep up with anything. By that, I’m not only referring to blogs or Instagram, but life in general. While there are things that need to be done, I try to push myself every single day to get those things done. It’s been pure hell. Just to be blunt about it. Every morning I wake up with hopes that I can do my best to focus on the positive things in life and make each day the best that I can. So let me cover a few things that have changed recently.
So, I DO NOT have perfect skin by any means. Stress/anxiety causes a lot of my skin break-out related issues. So therefore, my skin breaks out randomly all the time. It’s painful, even to write this, because it’s also embarrassing. I’ve never felt 100% comfortable in my own skin. I have tried like hell to get there and always end up over-thinking way too much.
Nathan, our son, who is almost 3 has been opening up more, expressing his emotions, personality, and has been so rebellious lately. He cannot stand to be told no, he throws fit like any other toddler, and I’m almost certain that he is out of the “terrible-twos” and made his way into the “threenager” stage a little early. I’ve taken the time to give him the attention that he needs while trying to teach him the meanings of many different things in life. I remember this stage with our daughter, Vaeh who is now 5, very well. Again, PURE HELL.
I know that I had mentioned trying to wake up with a positive outlook on everything and make each day the best day that I can. Each day is the same. I can’t seem to find the drive to want to get myself ready, fix my hair and makeup, wear something cute, take Nathan out to do something while Vaeh is in school, or even take them both to do something when Vaeh gets out of school. I shower and change my clothes. That’s it. I try to keep up with my housework, but it’s like the more I clean, the messier it gets. I’m OCD with a lot of things in life, a semi-clean house being one of them. Having a clean house honestly helps with my anxiety. Obviously, as a parent, I understand that the house will be messy and I should “let it be” or whatever phrase you want to use for that, but I’m sure most of you will understand what I am referring to when I say that it helps with my anxiety.
Now I feel like I’m just rambling on and on about cleaning, probably because that’s something that needs to be done right now, and I’m here.
I stepped back from a lot of things because it got to where my head felt like it was constantly spinning. That feeling sucks. It’s like you’re just spinning in circles so fast that you can’t reach out for a genuine helping hand to grab and just, stop. When you reach that point, when your mind has basically taken over, you second guess anyone and everything in your life. You also learn a lot. I mean so much that even though your mind may feel as if you’re spinning in circles, you are very well aware of even the smallest things around you.
The time now is for me. I watched a video earlier of a good friend of mine that said, “you can’t be there for others if you aren’t there for yourself”. It’s time to work on me, it’s time to be positive, it’s time to get up and get ready for me, it’s time to work on self-love, it’s time to weed out the negativity from my life, it’s time to get focused, it’s time for me to work on me so I can be the best me for others to see.
I’m slowly getting there. Very slowly, but it’s happening. I have set goals for myself, my family, and my life. It’s time for, me.
This is NOT a clarification blog or any explanation whatsoever. This blog is for me, and for those that have felt this way, or may be feeling this way right now.
If you can relate to this blog in any way whatsoever, please like, comment, and share. My Instagram is linked to my site, reach out. I try to help others as much as I can. I guess you could say that I am better at giving advice than actually listening to my own. That’s okay though, I think we are all like that in some way.
Stay tuned for more blogs to come!
XoXo – Chels